A few days ago, I remembered my first day at university. Even though I had chosen to study
Social Communication, I wasn’t one of the best people to make friends easily. I was always a
bit shy. What’s more, my hyper-rational profile forces me (to this day!) to observe anyone a
lot before letting myself go. That day, I felt completely lost and wished I knew how to strike
up a conversation with my colleagues.
Maybe you’ve been there recently. Or you’re about to be part of such an environment, where
you don’t know anyone. It’s terrible to feel isolated. And if you have super nice, outgoing
people around who draw all the attention to themselves, it’s even harder to be part of the
conversations, isn’t it? Calm down!
The first thing I’m going to ask you to do, before I give you some tips, is to exercise your
courage and prepare yourself to face your fear. Shyness, insecurity and introversion are
consequences of fear, you know? Because fear is what we feel when we’re leaving our
comfort zone. It’s the brain saying: “Wait, have you gone mad? Don’t do that, you could get
hurt!”. Understand?
First step: don’t let fear paralyze you!
First of all, remember that fear is not your enemy! It’s your survival instinct to stay safe and,
above all, alive. But because it’s so primitive, you need to make an effort to control it and
see how it’s possible to talk to people.
And I say all this because, yes, it can be very scary to talk to strangers. So accept that and
when you get scared… go for it! The more you challenge yourself, the easier it will become,
until it’s completely natural.
Realize that courage does not mean the absence of fear, but rather the ability to face it and
move forward. It’s normal to feel afraid when starting a conversation with someone you don’t
know. The unknown can bring uncertainty, insecurity and even the feeling of being out of your
comfort zone. However, it’s important to understand that fear shouldn’t be an insurmountable
obstacle, but rather an impetus to overcome it.
By challenging yourself and facing your fear to find out how to start a conversation with an
unknown person, you’ll be expanding your world and opening doors to new opportunities.
After all, good conversations and connections can arise from the most unexpected situations.
So what I’m saying is: don’t let fear stop you from talking to someone you’ve never spoken to
before. Accept the challenge, go in with your fear and observe how, little by little, this skill will
become more natural to you. Remember that every conversation is an opportunity for learning
and personal growth.
So take a deep breath, smile and take the first step. I’m sure you’ll be able to overcome your fear
and discover a world of possibilities by connecting with new people. Have courage, open
yourself up to new experiences and see how your interpersonal communication has evolved a lot.
Tips on how to strike up a conversation with anyone
Surprisingly, many people think that asking about their job or talking about the weather
are good options for starting a conversation. But is that enough to know how to strike up a
conversation?
Although it’s very common, and everyone resorts to these subjects from time to time, there
are much better ways of striking up a conversation. That is, of course, if you’re looking for
a stimulating and interesting conversation.
So what’s the secret? Creating familiarity, generating a real connection with the other person.
And this can only be achieved by first of all choosing subjects of mutual interest, without rushing
into the risk of sounding boring.
And that brings us to the first lesson you need to conclude…
1. Try to find some similarities or common interests
It may seem difficult when it comes to someone you’ve never met before. But you may be able to
find similarities or common interests just by observing the other person.
So put your observant side into practice and start paying more attention to your surroundings
to get ideas on how to strike up a conversation.
On my first day at school, as I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I remember seeing one
of the girls walking up the street from the subway to the college; and that’s what I used. Just
before everyone left, I asked her if she used the metro and where she lived. We found out that
we were almost neighbors and (guess what!) we started taking the metro together every day
for the four years of our course.
This simple question earned me my first college friendship and also guaranteed me an excellent
partner for university activities. But you can do this in any situation, even if you have a
romantic interest in someone at a party, for example. In that case, try to see what they ordered to
drink and strike up a conversation about it.
However, for some reason, you may not have time to observe people and therefore won’t
know how to strike up a conversation. Like when you literally fall into a situation where you
need to talk to someone as quickly as possible. Eventually, you can resort to a few questions.
2. Ask open and unblocked questions
You know those magic questions that anyone can answer and still be excited to give you lots
of details? Yes, they exist! It might be a good idea to keep a few of them in mind so you can
use them whenever you need to.
Open questions are those that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”. They require a
little more attention from the other person, who thinks about what they’re going to say and
focuses on you. So, right from the start, you get the most important thing: the other person’s
attention.
This is one of the biggest secrets to understanding how to strike up a conversation!
And how do you do that? I’ll leave a list here for you to decorate if you like. But the ideal is for
you to be inspired and come up with your own questions and, of course, always adapt them to
the environment and the people who will be asked, ok? Don’t forget that context is always very
important!
Write them down and tell me if you wouldn’t answer these five questions if they were asked of
you.
Suggested questions to start a conversation
- What did you like most about it? It goes for art exhibitions, conferences, parties and many other situations. Try variations such as “what song did you like?”, “Which sculpture caught your eye?”, “Which dish did you like the most?” etc. These are the most basic questions on how to strike up a conversation.
- What are you looking for? That’s the classic way salespeople approach you. But you can also ask someone who is lost, or in a book store, for example, someone who is browsing the bestsellers section. You can always adapt it.
- Do you know anyone here? If the person says no, there’s a good chance the conversation will die there. Alternatively, you could suggest that they get to know each other, since you’re lost there too. But only ask this if you’re sure there’s a chance that other people already know each other.
- What do you do for fun? It’s a good chance to discover some common interests and strike up a long conversation about them. And everyone does something to pass the time and relax, don’t they? This question never goes unanswered and can be one of the best conversation starters.
- What’s the most important thing I should know about you? A rather bold question. Suitable for when you’ve already approached someone and want to keep the conversation going. But you can also risk it straight away if you really want to fight the fear.
Remember that these are just a few examples and inspirations for you to start approaching
people. How about trying it out? Let me know if it worked!
In the same way, you can try to start a conversation by talking about something that is
happening or that you have witnessed. Perhaps the person will be interested in commenting
and talking to you about it, if they prefer to avoid questions.
3. Comment on something that’s happening
On my first day at university, I could have picked someone at random and talked about how
sociable and energetic the students on the communications courses seemed to be. Maybe it
would have worked with someone, but I didn’t have that idea at the time – I didn’t really know
how to strike up a conversation with people I didn’t know.
But always bear in mind that this is something you can do. If you’re starting a new job, for
example, it’s possible to approach someone to talk about a nearby restaurant you’d like to try
at lunchtime.
Striking up a conversation by talking about what’s going on, or something you’d like to do
there, are good examples to start with. Just don’t forget that people much prefer to talk
about themselves than to listen to others. So start with your comments, but don’t g o o n
t o o long, and give the other person a chance to get into your line of thought.
As a result, you’ll be able to introduce a really interesting or amusing conversation that
captures the other person’s attention in a very different way. In fact, always try to
break away from the norm!
Things to talk about with people you don’t know
Now I’m going to try to help you even more and give you a list of topics to strike up a
conversation with anyone. There are many interesting options with which you can start a
conversation. You can talk about hobbies, such as sports, music, reading and even travel.
You can also mention recent events in the media, such as news, movies or popular series.
Another subject that often makes for good conversation is gastronomy – who doesn’t like to
eat?
Finally, topics such as technology, science, fashion and art are also great options for starting a
conversation in a relaxed and engaging way. If these are subjects that interest you, keep
yourself well informed so you know how to strike up a conversation with anyone at any time.
Remember to always show genuine interest in what the other person has to say and to be
open and receptive to their opinions. In this way, you’ll be creating opportunities for your
conversations to be interesting, enriching and fun.
Want more inspiration to improve your communication? Take a look at the list of conversation
topics I’ve created for you:
- Music: when you don’t know how to talk to someone, try talking about musical styles and find out what their favorites are, which artists they admire or even if they play an instrument.
- Sports: ask about the person’s favorite soccer team, sports they play or recent sporting events. Just don’t get into it if you don’t like any sport, okay?
- Books: it’s also worth asking if the person likes to read and what their favorite books are. It’s a good chance to share your recommendations and exchange literary experiences. And if you’re not used to reading, you can ask the person for tips to help you get started, how about that?
- Travel: find out if the person has traveled anywhere interesting, ask about their experiences and tell them about your own adventures. Everyone has traveled, even if it’s to the beach or a small town. So they’re good conversation starters.
- News: if you follow what’s happening in the country or the world, it’s worth commenting on some recent event and asking the person’s opinion on the matter. In this case, if they haven’t heard anything about it, you can start a conversation by explaining what happened and showing how well informed you are.
- Movies and series: ask about the person’s favorite movies or series, ask for tips on what to watch and discuss the plots and characters. But it’s worth asking first, because there are people who don’t like movies or series (believe it or not!), then your conversation will die before it starts.
- Food: everyone has a favorite restaurant or a favorite dish. You can also start the conversation by asking if the person knows how to cook, what they like to make or what they like to eat most.
- Technology: discuss technological advances, interesting applications or even the latest gadgets on the market. Nowadays, who doesn’t like to talk about the wonders and dangers of artificial intelligence?
- Science: if it’s a subject you like, try to cover current scientific topics, such as recent discoveries or even curiosities about the universe, the planet or a documentary you’ve watched.
- Fashion and art: have you ever tried to ask someone about their style when you don’t know how to start a conversation? Some people love to talk about fashion brands or even art exhibitions they’ve visited.
See how many cool things there are? Use these topics as a starting point, adapt them
according to the situation and remember to always be authentic and respectful. What’s
more, you can also share your own experiences on the subject to improve the conversation.
Don’t forget to practice active listening and show interest in the other person.
Summary: how to strike up a conversation naturally
To do a quick review of everything I’ve said in this post, think of it this way… When it comes to
starting a conversation, many people can feel a little uncomfortable or unsure of where to
begin. And that’s quite normal, okay? However, striking up a conversation in a natural way can
be simpler than it seems. Always remember these two tips…
1. Observe your surroundings
Before starting a conversation, observe your surroundings and find something that can serve
as a starting point. This could be an interesting object, a funny situation or even a current
event. For example, if you’re in a coffee shop, you could comment on the delicious aroma of
the coffee or ask about the barista’s recommendation.
2. Use open questions
When you’re talking to someone, avoid asking questions that can be answered with a simple
“yes” or “no”. Instead, ask open-ended questions that encourage the other person to talk more
about themselves. For example, instead of asking “Do you like to travel?”, you could ask
“What’s the most amazing place you’ve ever visited?”
If you act differently from others, you’ll be more interesting
After all, almost every conversation in the world starts with the same questions. You know how
it is. So, just by going outside the norm, you’ll already gain attention and make anyone
curious about you because you’re different from the rest.
During my time at university, I made many new friends and also faced many fears when it
came to handing in the assignments that the journalism course required. In other words, I lost
my fear and you can do the same. Your heart will race, you’ll sweat and your voice will
hoarse, but you’ll do it anyway.
After a while, knowing how to strike up a conversation with anyone will come so naturally that
you won’t even remember the time when you were afraid. It’s always hard at first, just
don’t give up and don’t be too nice just to please, okay?
Are you ready to have good conversations?